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...everytime i mention getting counseling or going back to it ..GF gets defensive..i honestly sit down and try to make it a comfortable atmosphere to talk to her about it..she still gets upset..she is in and her are doomed..correct?? I also live about 60 miles from her..seem to create a problem with rebuilding the on what to do about rebuilding the trust....i answer all her questions and i am diligently trying ....i have no reason to ever lie to her again..dont want to...i thought i was help out and old GF because i could relate to how hard it was to loose a mother....since this happend 4 1/2 weeks ago I havent had any contact with the ex and dont want to.....

What are your tips for "tweaking" are communication?? Boomer Also jmargel, its been almost 2 weeks since we have physically seen each other and about 2days since we've had any communication...

As for jmargel, I have started counseling to make me a better person as well as to get some insight into what i can do to help my GF....

My GF said she did counseling for a few months after her divorce and the counselor released her.???

Counselling can help, both couples counselling and counselling for your GF.

For your GF getting into a support group for survivors of DV will help her immensely.

First is it true that a woman with a low self esteem only attract bad boys ex con and they shouldnt be with them???

Well everyone I am an ex con white collar crime due to a gambling problem and I have been in recovery for 3 yrs ..I have been to jail a few times in the past 15 yrs....3 to be exact..longest amount I did on the state work program was 36 months....

It can be challenging in the sense that both parties need to be aware of what is really going on and that the reactions are not a necessarily a reflection of the current relationship but a remnant of the old bad relationship. Yes it can and it has the potential to be immensely satisfying for both of you--perhaps more so than a so called normal relationship but it can take a little more work and patience.

Now in this relationship you can unwittingly trigger her into reacting the same way she did in her abusive relationship.

It isn't that you are being abusive or violent it's that she associates certain things with oncoming abuse and gets defensive and protective of herself automatically.

Survivors of DV can have challenges recognizing what is or is not abuse or DV.

When your GF was in her abusive relationship she got programmed into reacting a certain way to triggers.

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